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Dear Rain,
I have three young children and a busy schedule during the school year. I don't really think I overextend myself, but I do have a pretty full calendar. I do like the things I am involved in, but I feel constantly overwhelmed and stressed. It's probably due to a combination of me not feeling organized (no matter how hard I try!) and having very high expectations for myself. I also am a bad at managing my time. I am always running late. So basically, I need to know how to manage all my responsibilities and still feel calm and in control. Thanks!
Dear Reader,
I am sure you have heard it before, though it is so true, I am going to tell you again.
You really have your hands full!
Raising three children and being really involved in their lives is not just a full-time job,
it’s an all-time job!
However, never fear, it can be done gracefully!
These are the challenges that need to be addressed:
- Feelings of Overwhelm
- Having Expectations
- Organization and Time Management
Feelings of Overwhelm. When we are having stressful feelings a lot of time, we truly believe it is because we have so much to do. The shocking truth is that the only reason you are overwhelmed and stressed is because you are allowing yourself to feel overwhelmed and stressed. First things first. Start by creating self-care at night at least 2 or 3 times a week, when you have help or you can have the kids go to bed early. Meditation, a bath, or a walk on the treadmill can create the mental health you need to move forward towards more peaceful days.
Two questions that came up for me:
- How do your feelings of overwhelm serve you or what is the benefit of feeling that way?
- Are you willing to let go of being a person who is overwhelmed?
The first question may feel difficult to answer, but go ahead and just guess. Your benefits could be: you feel like you are doing a lot for your family when you are overwhelmed, so the benefit is that you feel like you are a good mom. Or being overwhelmed is just your limit reminder. Meaning the benefit is you can say “no” to others without guilt once you hit that point. Whatever comes up for you, realize that you are doing a great job and you might want to think about other ways you can receive those same benefits without the stress. You deserve to be a relaxed mommy!
The actions you need to take to stop feelings of overwhelm are easy, the hardest part is just practicing. Whenever you notice those feelings coming up, stop in your tracks. Close your eyes. Take 3 long deep belly breaths and allow your breathing to relax in 30 seconds of silence, while you focus on something that makes you feel good. You can think of the word, “love” or “yes” or “peace” or a picture that brings you feelings of serenity. You will discover that you can feel peaceful by the end of your mini meditation and it only took 1 minute out of your day! No climbing a mountain to the monastery needed! Just practice, practice, practice whenever you can remember, and forgive yourself when you don't. Every practice will create a better habit for you.
The next item is Having Expectations. Yes, we all can suffer of expecting ourselves to be perfect or having high personal standards, but it really isn’t the way to a blissful life.
Here is an exercise: Get a piece of paper and title it “Expectations” and draw a line down the middle to form two columns. On one side label it, “Everyone who will be disappointed if I don’t meet my expectations.” It’s time to be petty here, and not realistic. What is really going on in your mind? You may think of your mother, your husband, the teachers at school, your friends or you. Now on the other side label it, “Who I am really doing this work for.” You can substitute “this work” for the particular activity, such as baking 30 dozen cookies for the bake sale. Write down your thoughts without judgment. You again might write your father, your children, or the person who said you were not good enough 30 years ago.
Once you have your list, look and see if the same people are on both sides. Is it true what you believe they think about you? You might want to actually ask them what are their expectations for you on this bake sale? When they tell you their answer, see if it is anything close to what you have been telling yourself. Then ask yourself with each person on your list, “Do I really want to continue to put expectations on myself for this person?” Write it all out and let it all go. Try your best to allow yourself to feel free from everyone on your list, including you.
Finally, Organization and Time Management. I have many different programs and tools that I use with my clients. Which means there are a lot of people out there who need of help in these areas, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Here is a couple of ways for you:
Figure out how late you are (5,15, 30 minutes late) on a regular basis and just be honest and allow for it. Plan a schedule for you to be early. Instead of writing down, Bake Sale 10AM. Write down Bake sale 9:30AM.
This way will help you with organization and your time management.
Spend one week writing down a journal of every activity you need to do before you leave the house. This includes getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, eating your breakfast. Write down a schedule for everything and at the end of the week, see if you are getting an idea of your rhythm. How long you like to eat, how long it takes you to get up and get ready. Being specific like this will show you exactly how long it takes. Make sure you aren’t judging yourself if you say, "It takes me 2 ½ hours to get up and get ready for the day." Being honest with your self will only create a love for reality as you start to see how you are on time, most of the time!
Continue to use this to schedule and time all the activities you do during your day, including your bedtime routine. You will start the positive habit of writing down your lists of Things To Do in your schedule everyday, which will create a great way to solve most organizational woes!
Just remember you are in the busiest time in your life right now, and your hands are full. Share your goals with your family and let everyone pitch in to help with the daily schedule. Practicing something new and talking about it joyfully, shares a valuable lesson for your children and you.
Allow yourself to enjoy your sweet children more by creating less stress through the practice of breathing, letting go of old beliefs about expectations and creating an honest workable schedule. You might find yourself not just having your hands full, but your arms as well, with plenty of relaxing time for family hugs!
smiles and inspiration!
Rain
You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her site -
Copyright 2008 by Rain Fordyce