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Dear Rain,
What do you do
when someone finally seems like they need help from a major problem (alcoholism
to be honest) and comes back to you for help? My friend and I parted ways
months ago after I decided I couldn't handle her "drama" anymore.
She is a wonderful person but alcohol gripped her and grew its tendrils so
horribly I couldn't stand to watch it anymore. The blackouts and
abusiveness (to herself, others and her newfound alcoholic
boyfriend) of her life were too much for me. However, I promised her
I would be here for her when she wanted help. Now she wants help but I
don't want the drama. What do I do?
Dear Reader,
How much does a
giver give? For women this important question
comes up again and again. Once we learn
how to answer it well, we become stronger to give more freely and joyously. The main point is how to find your balance so
you will know how much to give.
On one hand, we
want to be caring, kind, generous and giving.
On the other hand, we need to make sure our cup is full and we are
giving that same love to ourselves.
There are two ideas that I want to address here.
1. Keeping your word.
2. Keeping your wellness.
Keeping your word is extremely important spiritually. When we keep our word, our mind, body and
spirit are clear. When we don’t keep our
word, even at a small level, it creates blocks and negative vibrations in our
life.
You gave her
your word that if she decided to clean up her act, you would help and I highly
recommend you do just that. However, what
"helping her" means is entirely up to you, not her or anyone else.
This takes me to the second idea.
Keeping your wellness is where we start talking about balance.
Take some quiet time while you connect with your spirit. Ask yourself what would you like to give in
time and energy to this friend from the past?
Don’t judge what feels right for
you. It may be 30 minutes a week. It may be 30 minutes a month. You will feel good about what you choose if you are honest with yourself. As she proves to be drama-free over the
weeks, your time may increase. Take it
one step at a time.
How you help her
might be something a little reminiscent of Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid. You know, paint the fence, wax on, and wax
off. Her first step might be practicing
to show up sober for amazing friends like you.
Could she help you with a chore
that you haven’t been inspired to do on your own, like plant your yard or clean
your garage? You might just rekindle a
great friendship talking while you organize your yard tools.
It is important
that you are very clear about how excited you are to help her towards a
positive life and that you are also working on that same thing. Tell her you are not willing to be in the
middle of any extra drama right now because it will distract you from your
personal growth. Explain to her that should
her drama come back into your life, you will have to part ways once again. This honesty will keep a clear understanding
of where you stand. These are words that
can create a strong positive friendship.
As we keep our
word, we learn to keep ourselves clear. As
we keep our wellness intact, we learn to be honest and pay attention to the
balance in our lives. What feels like a
stress and an inconvenience right now, could be something so much greater for
your heart and your friendship in the future. Trust the process and this amazing opportunity to learn more about yourself.
smiles and inspiration!
Rain
You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her site -
Copyright 2008 by Rain Fordyce