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You can enjoy
the holidays, you can enjoy your family, and you can enjoy your life. Right?
For many of us, there are two ways to view the holidays:
What we hope for and what really happens.
What we hope the holidays are: People love thinking about the holidays. We speak about it with so much love while we have a faraway look in our eyes. We speak of family, parties and vacations. There are cheery decorations to bring life into our dark days, good things to eat and conversations with girlfriends over warm mugs of our favorite drinks. We even shop a little more, just for fun. We think of our family and friends fondly as we imagine what our time together will be like. Days filled with laughter, smiles, and lots of fun.
What the holidays really are: What a difference it is when you experience the holidays as the adult who puts on the party. Every activity has to be scheduled in or it is forgotten. Making crafty decorations are fine, as long as there is little to no mess to clean up, and you may even find the activities tedious and stressful. Your relatives may live in other states, so there is extensive travel or extended houseguests. Family tension, instead of laughter, is more prevalent. Holidays are like putting together and throwing a wedding every year. It is expensive, stressful and exhausting.
Why do our ideas of the holidays rarely match our reality, and why do we keep going down the same path every year? Perhaps the hope for the perfect holiday season, does not come from reality, but from a movie or your experience when you were a child. I know when I think of the holidays coming, I feel as though I am still a small child. In my body I am young again, feeling the excitement of anticipation. Reminiscing about lots of fun games, cookies, grandma time, hot chocolate and making crafty decorations to put up around the house. No wonder I struggled to create this belief of “how a holiday could be” each and every year without fail. I wasn’t living with the holidays of the present, I was living in the holidays of the past.
The Mythical Holiday
I realized a few years ago that trying to re-create this Mythical Holiday was fruitless. There was a lot of stress and our family never seemed to have a lot of fun. I decided to find a new way to celebrate and through that, we changed everything. My husband and I sat down and talked about what we loved about the holidays, what activities seemed to work for us, and which ones seemed to create stress and why. We were amazed at how much we did out of tradition and not joy! We took another look and re-created our version of celebrating fall and winter holidays, and now we no longer strive for the Mythical Holiday, but an Authentic Holiday season that resonates with our family.
Let’s create your Authentic Holiday season: This year, let’s all create a new kind of holiday, one that resonates with you and your family. It is really taking each activity step by step. Answer the following questions on your own, or better yet, invite your family and loved ones in on the creative process. This might be your first activity that really is a lot of fun!
Here are some
questions to help you create your authentic holiday. These will be most effective if you grab a
pen and paper and write down the answers.
- Who do you want to spend my holiday with?
- Do you want to travel during the holidays?
- What amount of real calendar time do you have for fun holiday activities?
- What activities do you LOVE to do during the holidays?
- Would you still love to do them, if you were doing them alone?
- What activities do you have expectations for others to join in?
- Which activities do you really wish you did not have to do?
- Are they something you feel you can choose to say “no” to, this year?
- Which activities do you kind of wish you did not have to do?
- Are they something you can choose to say “no” to, this year?
Once you have answered these questions, I want you to close your eyes and imagine that a genie has come to give you a wish for your holiday enjoying pleasure. She tells you, you can spend this holiday doing whatever your heart desires. What are you wishing for? Write it down.
Now have some fun putting your ideas into creative action. Let go of the black and white answers and allow your creative mind to find the gray areas. Once you have discovered your Authentic Holiday, write it down and put it on your fridge. Spend a while looking at it as you ease into this new way of thinking. Also allow yourself to shift and change as you think of new ideas to add into the mix.
The final step is to plan ahead. Once you know how you want to celebrate, fill up your calendar with events that you LOVE and let others know about them. Also fill in the prep time you will need to shop, prepare, and be creative. These are usually lost in our planning schedule. One last thing! Make sure you have a few days and times of “whatever inspires me!” Leaving some room for inspiration can bring relaxation and relief to your spirit.
Have a memorable and authentic holiday season! And remember, that celebrations are meant to be fun!
by Rain Fordyce
Copyright 2008 by Rain Fordyce