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by Rain Fordyce
This 2-part series is a story I was asked to write for a book about our unschooling life.
Part 2
No longer raising my boys alone, I had time to think about other things in life. It is amazing to have a quiet home after being the sole care provider during the day for years. My husband would take the boys out to play and I had the ability to think about philosophy, spirituality, my passions, and my place in the world. Fiery and focused on my new inspirations and ideas and I was amazed to notice others wanted to hear more about them in person and through my blog. One day, with my new inspiration burning bright, I wrote a children’s book where the main characters are homeschoolers. Realizing immediately the fact this book was an important rarity, I knew it would have to be published for other homeschooling families to read. As an unschooling family, I wanted to self-publish. I wanted to be hands on in the creation of the characters and the production of the book. I wanted to learn how it was done. My first business was born.
I had spent most of my life writing in journals, from age 8 to 26, though I had quit shortly after meeting my husband. I did not consider myself a writer, and definitely not an author. Though, many comments on my blog from strangers kept telling me I should write a book and how much they loved my writing style. Soon I was writing about my inspirations, thoughts and ideas. These articles seemed to have a piece of my heart in each one. I knew I wasn’t an award winning writer, and yet, I was brought to tears with my ability to just be honest. It was the day my husband asked if I could come up with a website for him to build to practice his software development skills when AuthenticTimes.com came to life. This online magazine for women was the perfect forum for my articles, and since I was the editor-in-chief, I knew I would always be published. I could write about things I really cared about, not dating, makeovers, fashion and diets. This was a new and important place for women who wanted to be inspired with authentic ideas of body, mind and spirit. I had no idea what it took to write, edit and publish a weekly magazine online. My second business was born.
During the past two years, I had been seeing a life coach to help me find my authentic voice. I loved who I was uncovering. This strong, loving woman dedicated to honesty and truth was out and was starting to run my life. I found her saying her joyful truth, her tearful pain and her risk-taking excitement right out of my mouth. I was her. My passion for life took such a powerful shift all of my closest friends were starting to tell me about me. They were asking me questions about life, telling me I inspired them and told me I should do something with my energy. I found myself being pulled into the world of coaching. Once I admitted I wanted to become a life coach, I have never been without clients. However becoming a coach is a lot more than client time. There is marketing, social networking, continuing education, researching and finding your niche. My third business was born.
Within the first six months, I was so busy with these three growing businesses, I didn’t have time for the house, I didn’t have time for friends, I didn’t have time. Strangely enough, at the same time, my husband became excited about taking care of the home and learning to cook! He told me he wanted me to work and that he actually wanted to become a stay-at-home dad. He spent more and more time with the boys and he loved the freedom of unschooling for himself and our children. He was hooked.
It wasn’t so easy for me. I also loved being the stay-at-home mom! I had spent years perfecting my craft and I struggled watching my husband learn try to take over. Unable to fix all the different meals my family ate in one sitting, without burning something or making something else cold. Vegetables disappeared from the table and our children were eating less than ideal meals. He also had no clue how to do the laundry. He didn’t sort by type of fabric and color, he just threw them in as they needed to be cleaned. And taking out stains? No, he never spent time in the pre-washing sink. The hardest part was listening to him talk to our children with “have tos” and “shoulds.” He was a bit of a dictator and didn’t have the same patient “every frustration is an opportunity to learn” technique I had been applying for years. I was constantly in their conversations, teaching him how to talk with our children. Needless to say, our marriage was in one of those growing stages.
At one point, I remember telling my husband, he wasn’t doing a good enough job, and I was going to quit my work, and take my old job back, if he didn’t improve. It was at that moment that I saw what I was doing. I was the head mistress at the School for Homemakers and I was failing my husband. After a lot of conversations with my coach, I realized I wasn’t living my unschooling life. My husband had only been doing this for less than a few months, and I had been doing it for years. I needed to allow him to do things his way, not my way. The truth was, even if we had both been doing it for 10 years, we wouldn’t parent the same way. We are different people and all different people are different parents.
I had to release my attachments to my old life. I had to let go and allow my husband to make mistakes and figure it out on his own. The truth was, I didn’t want to give up my new career. I wanted to be two people and until they perfect cloning, I was stuck being one. Trust was big. Love was big. Letting go was gigantic. I not only had to let go of my identification with my old job, I had to let go of the guilt I felt loving my new job more than my old one. It wasn’t regret, it was simply time for a change and I was loving the change. Once I let go, everything fell into place. Everything seemed to improve. I could now really focus 100% on my new career. My husband could now focus 100% on his new career. We were both going to be just fine with all of our rookie mistakes along the way.
Through each choice and each decision, our lives have continued to shift dramatically. It makes me laugh when my husband tells me I am working too much or I am ignoring him. I have said those same words in the past. In return, I ask him what he has been doing all day and why didn’t dinner get made, just as he used to ask me. The difference is we really understand the answer. We continue to let go and our lives continue to flourish. I spend all day talking and writing to others about homeschooling and unschooling, and showing adults how to unschool their minds and how to allow themselves to do what they love to do on a moment to moment basis. My husband and I continue to do the same.
Our lives are better than I ever could have imagined. Because we chose to risk our old lives and follow the rhythm of our own drum, our lives have all changed for the better. I am happy and busy at my new career. My husband stays at home and plans the playdates. He has learned to allow the kids to follow their interests as well as enjoy exploring the world with them. The best part is how the boys are thriving better than I could have imagined. They are courageous, inventive and highly curious about everything. They love to explore art, philosophies and the universe. It was through allowing each one of us to learn what we needed to learn, while working through the difficulties and challenges and continuing to move forward, that our blessed and amazing new life is possible. It’s interesting when you let go, how you finally get what you really want.
As I sit behind my computer, writing this in my favorite giant recliner, I watch my husband explore the universe together with our two growing boys, and everything seems right within it.
Everything finally makes perfect sense.
by Rain Fordyce
Copyright 2009 by Rain Fordyce