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Dear Rain,
I
really like where I live and I finally feel like I am deepening relationships
here, but I am still not sure if I want to stay. Part of me wants to stay and enjoy the fruits
of what I have created, part of me wants to go and live closer to my family and
possibly someplace warmer. When my husband talks about buying a house, I tense
up.
How
do I know if I should put down roots and buy a house or if I should dream of
where we might go next?
Dear Reader,
Oh, this is a question close to my heart! Living in the northwest, I definitely
understand wanting to live someplace warmer in the cold winter months. First and foremost, go outside for at least 30
minutes daily, no matter what the weather!
The sun that peaks through the clouds is important part of your mental
health. With the right clothing and
exercise, it doesn’t need to be warm outside for you to enjoy the earth!
I have broken the rest of my answer into 3 parts; home, moving,
and family. I want to encourage you to write
your answers clearly on paper.
Home:
So many of us are transient these days, it is easy to lose
our sense of where home really is. Is it
where your family is? Is it someplace
warm? Beautiful? Inexpensive? Better
neighborhood? In the country? Where is
home?
The thought of owning a home is also what creates tension in
you. When you feel this tension, ask
yourself these questions:
What am
I afraid of? What is the worst case
scenario?
Am I
nervous about the economy? (Home losing its value after you buy.)
Am I
nervous about the commitment of buying because of the economy? (Not being able
to sell once you buy.)
Am I stressed
about the responsibility of owning a home?
Answer these questions and target where your fear lies? When you find it, ask yourself, “Is that true?” Notice your answers,
excuses and “I don’t knows.”
Moving:
The bonuses
of moving:
1. Everything
is new and exciting! Your
brain is highly stimulated and is making all kinds of new connections as you
learn about new roads, people, where to shop, what to do. It is like being on a long vacation as you
discover the town’s tourist attractions such as museums, restaurants, and natural
sites. It feels good as you stretch
yourself to your new surroundings and open yourself to the world to enjoy it
freely.
2. You don’t
have to be who you were.
You can leave behind the person you used to be, only if you have been
growing and changing. You can find new
friends, who may be a better fit for this new part of you. Moving can be very freeing for some people as
it can feel like starting over.
The
bonuses of staying somewhere:
1. You
create deep relationships with people. As you
spend week after week with friends, neighbors and the town, you start to
connect to it in ways that feel fulfilling.
You can create a community or neighborhood spirit that feels important
to you and your family.
2. You
create a foundation of familiarity. This feels like comfort and safety when life
may feel challenging. It is a
comfortable and relaxing feeling to know the resources you have in this place
and to know where you can go. When you
feel safe where you are, it is easier to create what you want in life, as all
your mental focus is on your goal.
Let those thoughts simmer inside of you. What are your
values? What bonuses are you most
attracted to? As you read them slowly,
which one do you feel the highest energy is coming up from within?
Family:
I hear you are thinking of being closer to your family. Being close to family can be a wonderful gift
and sometimes a challenge.
Here are some questions to answer:
How do
you most often feel around your family?
High or low energy?
Are you
worrying about the future of aging parents? Is this your responsibility?
On a
scale of 1-10 (with 1 being “dread” and 10 being “yahoo!”) what would your life
be like living close to your family (and 5 is not an option)? Notice your number choice.
Once you have answered these questions and became aware of
your answers, what do you notice most about your answers? What section was most powerful for you? Home, moving or family?
The way to know what you truly want is to simply inquire
without asking the “how.” So many people
get lost forever in “how could I?” The
key is in asking the right questions, allowing the true awareness of energy
(positive and negative) to show up for you and writing your answers on paper to
keep yourself honest.
Finally, I have one more powerful tool for you. The tool of experience. Try this over
the next week and keep a journal of all your emotions, ideas and resistance. First, decide you are definitely going to
move. Don’t put any pressure about where
or how, just know you are definitely not going to stay where you are. Talk about it and think about it as 100%
true. Sit with this decision for 3 full
days. Next, decide you are definitely
going to stay. Again no pressure of
house buying or how, just know you are definitely going to stay. Sit with it for 3 days. Write in your journal at least once or more
daily.
Close your journal and give yourself 3 days where you make
no decisions and do not read your journal.
On the 4th day, read your work and notice which decision seemed
right for you.
It is true when you are blessed to have a lot of choices,
the answers become more complicated!
Trust your inner guidance and you might just find your home sweet home and your peace of mind.
smiles and inspiration!
Rain
You can find out more about Rain and life coaching at her website:
Copyright 2009 by Rain Fordyce